Timing is Everything

My grandma had just died of cancer. The month leading up to her death was particularly painful as I would drive back and forth the hr and 20 minutes to spend some time with her and help in any way I could. It's a strange grieving process that takes place when you know someone you love is going to die--you don't know the when exactly but you know it's getting close. Watching those around you who also love that person and seeing how they grieve (or don't allow themselves to grieve even though it was obvious at times that they needed to) and seeing their pain in many ways only intensified the sadness.



The human body is an amazing creation. I can't look at it and not be in awe at God's creativity and genius. But as the human body shuts down due to something like cancer, you also recognize how fragile and precious life is, how perfectly our bodies work to keep us alive, yet how when one thing shuts down it impacts everything else. It was such a humbling experience helping with simple things with my grandma, like helping her use the bathroom as she couldn't even do that on her own the last few wks and then in the last days helping change her, clean her, etc. Upholding her dignity as a lovely elderly person (she was 91) was so important. This beautiful grandmother who had probably changed my diaper while I was a baby, suddenly the roles were now reversed...So much to process.



I'm a musician, so playing, singing, writing is one of the big ways that helps me process life (along with physical activity). So my grandma's death of course brought out music...I've played for many many funerals over the years, but never for someone close to me, but I wanted to sing and play for my Grandma's funeral, for me it was like one last gift that I could offer. I wasn't sure whether I would make it throw without breaking down, but I was willing to try...



Below is the song I wrote for her...Actually I wrote it for myself and for someone else I was once close to who lost his grandma. Words can't express the depth of sorrow when you lose someone you love; whether it be from death, or simply life when people walk out of your life for whatever reason. 

Someone told me that when you're going through hard times rather than run from it, you just gotta ride the wave--not try to push it away or run from it...Ride it out...

So if you're going through a hard time know that it's not the end of the story...Rather than running from it, know you're not alone. God is going to bring something awesome and beautiful out of the pain...Ride the Wave...


Ride The Wave


 Ride it like a wave

It was dark and gray when the telephone rang
I didnt want to believe what i heard him sayin
My heart stopped in my chest
And i didnt hear the rest
after the words "she is gone"

There's no good way to hear that news
Someone Please tell me it's not  true
I collapsed on that cold kitchen floor
shaking with sobs uncontrolled

And in my mind I could still hear her voice echoing

Don't run from the pain
Don't push it away
Rather ride it like a wave

I know it won't always hurt this bad
one day I will remember what it's like to laugh
But right now im open and  raw
I don't want to feel at all anymore

Mama could patch a scraped up knee
But a band aid won't work for a heart that bleeds
No nice words can make this pain subside
Down on your knees in the middle of your darkest night

Out of every death comes a life
Out of every darkness shines a light
In the night
Your soul will sing again
This is not the end of the story

Then sings my soul...

By Maria Spears
Copyright Maria Spears Music 2014