Let's Get Physical

I shared the story about my grandma because I think it will be helpful to see the kind of frame of mind I was in when the injury happened. Prior to my grandmas death there had been a lot of hard/painful events going on in my personal life that just hit my heart in a deep painful way.  My grandmas death that wk just added salt to the wound.


We buried my grandma on Friday. Company was in town all wknd and left on Sunday. Monday dawned bright and early it was overcast and cold out. I was exhausted, emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually. I wanted to stay in bed and not face the day. I was tired of the cold dark that seemed to permeate the last several months. I was emotionally exhausted from everything that had been going on and from the wk before.  But one thing I have always believed and shared is that our thoughts impact our actions, so I pushed out those negative thoughts, said good morning Lord thank you for today! Got up went to Mass and my day began.


Anyone who knows me knows that health and fitness is a huge and passionate part of my life; for many reasons (though if I keep doing this blog thing I'm sure you'll understand that way more than you ever wanted to! HA!). But one of the things I love about fitness--or just physical activity in general is the stress release it provides. If I was frustrated--I would take a run, a hike, or I would go lift, or train...Then after getting that "angst' out in a physical way, I could sit and think and talk with the Lord about it all, doing something physical like that had a way of allowing me to 'breathe', chilling me out, getting the frustration or sadness or whatever to a level of being able to work through it. Sometimes it allowed me to think while doing whatever the activity was, but not be so consumed by those thoughts that it was a negative thing. Let me tell you, endorphins are a wonderful thing! :-)


Being that it had been such a stressful week and weekend, I was looking forward to the stress release that my Krav Maga and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu classes would offer that evening. By the time I got to class 30 min early I realized how tired I was. I was sitting in my car talking w my sis in law sharing some of my stresses and in tears saying well at least physically I'm doing well and I'm so grateful for that because I'm healthy and able to move and take a hike or lift, or train, etc. I got off the phone with her, dried my tears and it suddenly hit me how exhausted I was. I debated whether to just go home, but I was already here, had been looking forward to it, so out I got.


Training started and it felt so good! I love how our bodies can move and be challenged and grow stronger. Today we started working on throws. I had several decent ones and then I took a step where you're not supposed to step and bam! The guy I was throwing landed on my ankle, I fell and in the process my knee hyper-extended. Immediate pain. I could tell it was bad but how bad wasn't sure. The on-lookers thought I had perhaps broken my leg it was bent at such an unnatural angle.


I scooted to the side and for the rest of class sat back with my leg up and an ice pack on my knee and put some herbal supplements that help with healing/swelling, etc.  After class, I thought with a little assistance I could make it home by myself, however upon standing I immediately collapsed and realized that wasn't going to happen. One of my coaches carried me to my car, I sat there trying to get my breath as the pain increased and as the pain increased I realized this was worse than I thought. I began to cry, crying from the pain of the knee, crying from frustration, crying from all that had been going on so painful in my life for the last several months. My body started to go into shock and everything went numb, I knew I was about to pass out. My coach carried me back into the gym because obviously I was in no place to drive home. Long story short, I had to be taken home, carried in the house and I laid there on the couch, leg up, ice pack on. That day marked the start of a journey that I had no desire to be on, but I couldn't change.

Defining moments. They happen and frequently not by choice.  It's where you go from there that changes you. While you're broken you usually become bitter or better...And in that moment I couldn't ignore the depth of my brokenness.