Relationship and Marriage Advice from Miss Debra

I was teaching a senior water fitness class this morning and like I always do when I encounter someone older who may have had more experience with life and love and the pursuit of happiness, I picked their brain on various topics.  This morning I had the privilege of chatting with Miss Debra, a lovely woman in her 70's who has been married for almost 40 years. The following are her thoughts on relationships and marriages.

 "Relationships and marriage take compromise. Both parties have to be willing to give. Too many people now days have the attitude that it's "all about me". You can't make a relationship work if that's the attitude and mentality.  

 

 

Advice for the guys from her husband: 

"My husband always says and tells younger guys "the things you do to GET your woman NOW once you're married you gotta CONTINUE TO DO to keep her!"   She continued. "And it's true he still pursues me after almost 40 years of marriage how he did when we were dating!" (insert huge lovely smile!"

Advice for the girls:

"Talk is cheap! He may tell you he loves you, he may tell you you're beautiful. But a better way to tell that is watch how he treats you. Watch how he treats his mom, his sisters, women he encounters. When you walk in the room if he thinks you're beautiful his eyes will show it. It's the way his eyes light up--you gotta watch for those things! If he loves you, don't just listen to the words. Words can lie. Watch how he goes out of his way for you, how he serves you, treats you. Those are the tell-tale signs.  But also, girls need to learn to respect their husband. Respect goes a long way for a man.."

 

 

 

"One of the biggest problems now days is young people's lack of commitment, how everything has to be all about "Me" and how they let little issues become big issues. You gotta learn to let stuff go. Stop sweating the small stuff. The small stuff doesn't matter."

"It might be different for everyone, but for us the first 2 years of our marriage were the hardest. That's why you gotta be committed and in for the long haul. After that it just get BETTER!!!"

"There's gotta be a lot more to the person besides physical attraction because looks fade no matter how good we take care of our bodies--we age. So you gotta be attracted to their mind and their heart and who they are as well.  My husband and I are both computer programers and were the 'smart kids' in class...he always thought my brains were sexy!" (add a little chuckle with a twinkle in her eye)

"You gotta push each other to be better."

"It's not a fairy tale, it's real life and people are human you gotta give them space to be human. But it's beautiful and worth it!"

"I trust my husband 99.9%...that last little percentage is giving him room to be human."

"You gotta have fun together!!' Stuff you both enjoy doing. You gotta laugh! You gotta like each other and enjoy each other's company."   

"You don't have to agree on everything but your morals, values, financial stuff and the way you raise kids has to be the same."

"All this shacking up before marriage is one of the reasons why there are so many divorces! Young people are wanting to "try it out" before "committing". But commitment has nothing to do with trying it out. That's what the dating process is for to get to know the person--their values and morals who they are. Then in marriage you make that commitment. Commitment has nothing to do with how you feel it's a firm decision that this is what we decided and come thick or thin, hell or high water, we are sticking together no matter what. You don't "try out" a commitment. If you give yourself an out when it gets hard you'll take it. You both decide you're in it together forever no matter what."

"Young people these days are making it really difficult for themselves because they are going around with the mentality that it's all about themselves, what pleases "me", what makes "me" happy, all this sleeping together before marriage,  getting upset over little things that don't really matter, that mentality makes for unhappiness. 

If you have two people asking how they can make the person they are with happy and how they can love and serve each other, and make each other's day better, well that's a recipe for something beautiful."

"In the beginning of marriage you get upset about the small stuff a lot. But after a while you realize that stuff doesn't really matter."

"The best advice I could give someone is 1. You gotta have God at the center of your relationship.  

2. You gotta commit and be willing to compromise. 3. You gotta have fun together and laugh a lot! you have to laugh....

(Talking about her husband.)

"You know, he's so good to me! He is such a wonderful man. I always say God put him here just for me!"  (BIG SMILE, eyes lit up...)