Courage is Mastery of Fear; NOT the absence of it

"Courage is mastery of fear; not the absence of it."

I saw a movie recently and in the movie in the background was that quote on a sticky note. I quickly wrote it down because it was definitely something I was going to sit with and think about and probably need to be reminded.

Fear is something we all experience at various points in our lives, some experience it perhaps more than others.  For me personally I get fearful of many things; I get fearful of hard conversations with people, I experience fear in my heart sometimes before I try something new, I get fearful that I won't succeed in what I set out to do, I get fearful at times that I might get hurt physically, or emotionally in the various aspects of my day with the various people I may encounter.  I get fearful of what people will think when I share stuff like this where it's real, raw and vulnerable.

And yet, something I've learned and I'm still learning on a regular basis, it's ok to be fearful--as long as that fear doesn't dictate the actions or lack of actions. I've gotten laughed at for it, but very often I make myself do things that scare me or are uncomfortable simply for the discipline of it, to make sure that fear isn't dictating my life.

"Perfect Love casts out fear."  I think about that a lot. That ties into everything we do throughout our days, throughout our lives.  When I work with my training clients often times the hardest part is getting started; they experience a lot of fear; what if people laugh or make fun of them? What if they can't reach their goals? What if it's too hard? What if their body can't do it? What if they don't have what it takes mentally or physically?  Many times my job is to remind them that they CAN, that they DO have what it takes, that they WILL be successful. Sure it will take time; as all good things do, but they WILL master it.

Courage is mastery of fear. It takes courage to begin and persevere in something. It takes courage to walk through those fearful fires and not let oneself be consumed by them. It takes courage to begin something that is a new playing field. It takes courage to walk through life and not let it destroy us.

After my knee injury, one of the scariest things was going back to Jiu Jitsu and repeating the move I got hurt doing. It was scary playing sports again, working out full force...And sometimes I would be so surprised when fear would randomly show up; like going white water rafting and being put in a position that made me question the strength of my knee's recovery.

Or going cliff jumping and trusting that I could land ok and my knee would be just fine.  But it was being put in those situations that left me with the choice to either choose courage and decide what place that fear would play in my life or let fear conquer and paralyze me.

My challenge today for all of us is to do something today that scares us, that challenges, that makes us step out of our comfort zone. Something that gives us an opportunity to master the fear, not let it master us. 

How are you going to do that today?  Get it!! And make it an amazing day!!

Live Love~
Maria

Aunt Mawia! YOU SAID!!!

I was having a sleep over with 5 of my nieces and nephews recently, ages 8 and under. After telling story after story in the tent, it was a somewhat unanimous decision to go inside, make a big pallet on one of their bedroom floors and commence with story time, night prayers and then "sleep" (I say "sleep" with parentheses cause let's be honest who actually gets much sleep on a sleepover; especially with little ones!

 After a little craziness with getting everyone settled down again, "Aunt Mawia" in the middle with 5 little ones cuddled in around me, one of them asked, "will you wake us to say bye before you leave in the morning?" (Cause they knew I had to leave really early to work with a training client), smiling I said  "yes I will!" Though it wasn't 60 seconds later that I thought hmm, I wonder if I should add a clause in that 'yes I will statement' adding that if they look sound asleep I may NOT wake them. But I didn't end up adding that in.

Early the next morning, I looked down from the bunk bed I had crawled into halfway through the night to soothe a crying little one who had moved up there from the pallet and I started having second thoughts about waking the sound asleep children who were laying there so peacefully.. All of a sudden one of the kids got up quickly and said to one of the others in a distraught voice  "hey! Where is aunt Mawia?!! Did she leave??!"  The other one said confidently "No she must still be here, cause she wouldn't leave without telling us bye! She said she so!"




I laid there for just a few more minutes as the importance of what just happened set in. It struck me the importance of being a person of your word; whether to a little 2 year old, a teenager, an adult, or an elderly person. Your word should be worth something. That vote of confidence the kids had in me was because I had been consistent in following up the words I spoke with the correct actions to match those words. But how close I had come to breaking that trust because I thought I knew better--that sleep would be better for them more so than honesty in that moment. How easily trust can be broken. Mmm...Maria, always be a woman of your word; of integrity, that your words AND actions may mirror one another.

I've taught swimming lessons for many years and one thing I have noticed is how often the hardest part of teaching swim lessons in the first few lessons is getting the kids to trust your word; when they are going to jump or swim to me and I say that I'll catch them, or not back up further than they can swim, I have to be true to that. I even had a 9 year old who was petrified of the water tell me she didn't trust anyone because people didn't do what they said they were going to. When I asked her what she meant, she said she had a swim teacher who told her that she would catch her when she jumped in the deep end and she didn't; that experience left her struggling to trust adults on so many levels. Mmm...Maria, always be a woman of your word; of integrity, that your words AND actions may mirror one another.

We may not get it right 100% of the time. At some point we are all hypocrites, but it shouldn't be all the time. Sure we can make mistakes, welcome to the human condition, but do we correct those mistakes as quickly as possible and ask forgiveness for those we wounded because of our actions and or/words? Now days, our words frequently don't mean anything, people make promises and don't keep them-- I would venture to say the majority of the time. People confide in us, we tell them we won't tell anyone and then we go and tell people...We tell people we love them and yet our actions speak the very opposite. We are in a tight spot and to save face we tell a 'little white lie' cause 'it's not a big deal'...and yet...those 'little deals' end up being big deals...it's a compound effect. How we do ANYTHING is how we do EVERYTHING...how we treat ANYONE is how we treat EVERYONE... Mmm...Maria, always be a woman of your word; of integrity, that your words AND actions may mirror one another.

After all these thoughts ran through my head, I got up, went over to each of the little ones, woke them gently told them I was leaving and kissed their soft cheeks. Each of them, though groggy gave a smile and reached up hands for a hug and whispered a sweet 'Bye Aunt Mawia.'

That day I learned an important lesson...ALWAYS. ALWAYS. ALWAYS...be a woman of my word, of integrity...of honesty...Words and actions go hand in hand...


Oh the things I learn from little people...and elderly people...and everyone in between....

Be blessed~

Just Jump!

"Just Jump! I've got you!" The little girl looked at me with wide eyes as she held on to the railing on the steps at the top of the pool. I could hear her murmuring to herself, "C'mon Anne, you can do it...just jump...she'll catch you.."  This self talk went on back and forth for a few minutes as she would start to trust and jump, but then catch herself and slink back, while I tried to coax her forward to take the plunge into the refreshing water during her swim lesson.  That swim lesson ended with me coming over, letting her hold my hands as she jumped, making sure she didn't go under too much, then she proceeded to hold onto me with a death grip...It was a step. A start. And that was ok.

A few days later her dad came with her mom and her to the next lesson. I was amazed at how much braver she was with him sitting on the side watching and occasionally calling out encouraging words, along with a smile here, a thumbs up there--sure some coaxing still had to be done to get her little fingers and sharp nails (that were usually embedded into my skin at the end of each lesson) to let go and be more free to begin to take a few strokes in the water, but again, it was another step closer to her jumping in by herself.

The next day she came to her lesson considerably more relaxed and willing to try things in the water that are important steps to becoming a confident swimmer. Like putting her fact under for longer than a half second, floating on her back without holding on to me--trusting that I would catch her if she started to sink. 

"Anne! You're doing so good today! So much more  relaxed! good job!!"   She looked at me and smiled and said in a matter of fact voice, "Well Miss Maria, my daddy talked with me for 25 minutes last night and it helped me today!"   me: Oh? and what did he say?"  (I was so eager to hear what words of wisdom this father had spoken to his daughter to cause such a drastic change in her trust level with me and willingness to get out of her comfort zone to learn how to swim) "He said for me to trust you! And then we cuddled for 10 minutes!"

Mmm...something so simple and yet such drastic changes.

When I got hurt last year with my knee, it was a time of such extreme pain--mainly because it was the thick icing on an already huge cake. It's taken me a year later to realize that at some point in the midst of the pain and insanity,  I had stopped trusting the goodness of the Father on some deep levels that I hadn't been aware of. I had stopped fully trusting that He would provide and take care of me. I had stopped taking the time to truly rest in His heart and His embrace and trust that all would be ok and that He was taking care of the details of my life in an awesome amazing way--not IN SPITE of the cross, but BECAUSE and in the midst OF the cross.

Thanks to a God sent conversation with a very wise person in my life, I was able to see that in so many ways, I was that little girl learning to swim and God was me--the teacher. I was working so hard to help this little girl learn to swim and in the process of helping her learn to swim I was having to put her in situations that were really hard, stretching and scary. But that process was so necessary because it is through learning to do those things now could one day could save her life. If she doesn't learn how to jump, even when it's scary, if she doesn't learn how to swim, how to handle when the water goes up her nose, in her mouth or in her eyes, if she doesn't learn how to navigate these various situations and how to be calm throughout them, to be confident in them, to even grow to love the challenges of them and conquering them and to trust---trust that as her swim instructor, I'm not going to allow her to go too far under the water, to drown or to be left alone...

If she doesn't learn this stuff now, as hard, painful and scary as it is, in the long run, it would be to her detriment. I, as her instructor know this. But she doesn't...yet...however, she's learning. She's growing. She's getting stronger. More relaxed. She's getting more confident, more calm, more peaceful, more ready for the next challenge and even a little excited about the next one because she knows I'm in this with her and that I'm only going to push her as far as is best for her and what she can handle; even though sometimes she doesn't think or feel like she can handle that much.  But I've been doing this for so long, I've taught hundred of kids at this point and I know and she'll be just fine and one day it might be her saving grace.

That's the Father with me...I would look back at various points and be like Lord! What the heck?! Where were you in such extreme darkness?! Why did you let this and this and this happen?! You let me drown...

But then, in an extreme moment of raw honesty,  I had to stop and pause and look Him in the face. Did He really let me drown?

No. He stayed with me.

He let the water get in my eyes and it burned, it got in my nose and mouth and I even choked a little--but in the long run, that would save me cause He was letting me learn how to navigate in the rocky waters, how to be more peaceful, trusting and calm in the midst of the insanity. He didn't want any of the bad, painful stuff to happen, but He wanted me to know that I could trust Him. That He was going through it all WITH me. His hands were still there ready to catch me when I jumped, making sure that I wasn't going to drown. He allowed it because in the long run, that might save my life in some way. He's taught way more kids life lessons and saved them, than I have taught swim lessons and life guarded and saved them. He's been saying to me, "You can trust me, my Lovely Ria"....like Anne's daddy said to her that she could trust me. And she did. And that was a turning point. 

When I was asking Anne to jump, I really was asking her in deep way, "Do you Trust me?!" Sometimes, the Father asks us that too..."Will you jump? Do you trust Me?"

Yesterday, without any coaxing, Anne did. She jumped.

And today, without any coaxing I did too. I jumped. 

And guess what? The water feels great.

I took a deep breath, looked at the water and dove in...

I hadn't been swimming in a while and decided it was a good day to go swim some laps; mix up my workout a little.

Now anyone who knows me knows that cold weather, cold water, etc. is not exactly my favorite habitat, so when I got to the pool and the guards were like yeah it's freezing today and the few people in the pool said the same thing I stood on the side dreading my entry.

I stood on the side, dreading more, I sat down, put my swim cap on, all the while thinking "oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh, it's gonna be freezing! I'm gonna hate it!"  I dipped a toe in,  yup, ice cold...all the while I just kept thinking how cold and miserable it was going to be. The more I thought it, the more goosebumps started covering my body and I sat on the side having a familiar internal debate. "C'mon Spears, get your act together, you can do it! You're thinking yourself out of it by all that negative self talk. Just dive in, start your laps and after a minute or so, it will feel awesome."

After several, several, several minutes, I took a deep breath, goggles and swim cap on, and dove in. AHH! The shock of the cold water took my breath away for a few seconds, but after swimming not even a whole lap the water already felt good.


Half a mile later, I hopped out, feeling like a million bucks and went to go sit in the hot tub, while there I realized something.

I had wasted SO MUCH TIME convincing myself through my THOUGHTS that it was going to be miserable, that it was going to be cold, that I was going to hate it. When the reality is, the dread of it was WAY worse than the reality of it...And I started thinking--how often do we do that in life? With so many things? The dread of them are actually way worse than the reality of them. But we make it harder on ourselves by dreading it, by feeding the negative, by not being proactive; we allow ourselves to be parylized by fear, by the thought of 'what if' when many times the bad 'what ifs' weren't aren't going to happen and even if they did, it wouldn't be the end of the world.  Hmm, how many moments, precious moments that I will never get back, have I wasted on the dread of something instead of just hopping to it? 

Lesson learned. So the next day I decided to try this new attitude starting with swimming again in a cold pool. I showed up, ready to just do it, not contemplate how cold it might be and how miserable I might be if it were, instead, goggles on, swim cap on, ready set DIVE IN!  And boom! Just like that the water felt great--cause this time I expected it to. This time, I expected it to be an enjoyable experience, this time, instead of letting the wind blow me, I was adjusting the sails...

Today, I'm going to try to apply that to other areas of my life, in my relationships, in my work, in my spiritual life, in my workouts...game on baby!  

What are some areas you have dreaded then realized that the reality wasn't as bad as the dreading?

Make it an awesome day!
Maria

#livelove

Let's Talk About....SUICIDE

Quite a few years back, I met a lovely gal in her late 40's who She would sometimes complain that her body wasn't what she wanted it to be and would grow frustrated (what girl HASN'T had that complaint! lol) For her it wasn't that she was overweight, it was that she was so skinny and was frustrated with "bone skin and flab". Every once in a while we talked about doing some personal training but she never followed up on it. One day I ran into her and as we were talking I felt really prompted to encourage her to let me help her with some personal training--try it and see how she felt.

This time, she followed up on it. In the field of fitness (and bar tending for that matter! ha!) we always joke that we should get degrees in Counseling, as well as the body, because in many ways a trainer ends up being that sounding board, a caring, listening person to their clients. Which is pretty awesome because the reality is, being 'fit and healthy' isn't just about the physical body--it's the mind, spirit, etc. and impacts the emotions, on a big level as well. So it makes sense.  As we trained she made gains little by little.  And then her 50th birthday came.

She came to training a wk after her birthday and broke down into tears midway through the workout. We took a time out--talked and prayed together. (That isn't something that always happens in training lol but you never know!)   We talked about it doesn't matter how old we are--we all have a mission, we all have value, God still has work for us to do; big work. We talked about our bodies and how even when we are older, if we can mentally adjust and do the right stuff nutritionally, we would be amazed at what our bodies can do. I showed her pictures of some wonderful people I know who are in their 50's and up who are doing body building competitions and killing it, who are doing missions in other countries, who are serving in the everyday simple things--but ALL making a HUGE difference to someone and there's no price tag high enough for the value of touching even one person.

Next training session, she came back and I could see as soon as she walked in, a different gal than the one who I had trained the wk before. She killed her workouts, the mental adjustment blew my mind. It was incredible. 

Over the next several months she was blown away by what her body was doing, how her muscles were sculpting, how no one could believe she was in her 50's, how good she felt...how mentally and spiritually and emotionally she was able to make a difference.

It was maybe 8 months later, more or less, that I was going to have to stop training because I was going to be on the road so much.  She came for one last training session and before she left she said...

"Maria, I just want to share something with you. You know that day when I came and we talked and prayed?  I was really contemplating suicide. That and these workouts, God's grace through all of this, saved me....I thought I had hit the last of my life and it didn't have meaning anymore, that my body and spirit were just done, I had no idea there was so much more. It seems silly to say, but it's true being healthier, learning how to do that, how different I feel, seeing my body change in positive ways and the way it effected me mentally, emotionally, etc. It saved my life. So thank you."


I started crying. I had no idea. 

I share this----not to say "oh look what I did!" Cause I had no clue I was doing anything, I was just passionate about helping people to be their best self, about caring and loving and serving Jesus in the little...But honestly, God could've used anyone. For whatever reason, that time He used me. 

Those of you reading this--you have no idea how God is going to use you and is probably using you now to save peoples lives in ways you're clueless of at this time.  Those of you who are struggling to see value in your life--you have value, you are amazing, God's not done with you. It doesn't matter how broken you are. He will still use you to do incredible, awesome things!  There are people whose lives need to be touched, hearts and souls to be loved, growth to happen for so many as a result of your choices to become the best version of yourself and to help others.

So let's do this! Let's make a difference--whether that difference is being a mom and changing a million diapers, or a dad who is grinding away at the job to support his family, or a coach, or a teacher, or a janitor, or the garbage man, or the network marketer, or the student, or musician, or the guy slaving away on Wall Street. YOU have meaning. YOU have a life to live. YOU are a gift from God. Know it. Believe it. Be it.

Make it a beautiful day!

Xo, Maria

1 Year Later...Let's Get Personal.

One year ago I entered into one of the most painful seasons of my life.

On Feb.24,2014 I had an injury where I torn my ACL, MCL and meniscus. The devastation of that,  on top of several already painful situations (my grandma dying, a guy I had been close with walking away without an explanation and a few others) was beyond words.

When you're a very active person, a go getter, and somewhat independent-used to being the helper, doing stuff for yourself and others, the giver...its a bit of a switch to suddenly be on the other side. Completely dependent on others-to the point where you have to have help with such basic things as going to the bathroom or taking a shower, or driving.

The physical pain from such an intense surgery, coupled with the mental and emotional pain,sadness,  frustration and anger was truly almost more than I could bear.

Everything happens for a reason and the fact that my surgery was 2 days before entering into Lent-a season of sacrifice and fasting, I'm quite certain was no mistake.

There were many days when all I could do was lay there on the couch with my leg propped up, tears streaming down my face, just wanting to die. My only praying being that. I had gone through dark times before, but the depth of darkness on every level during this time was indescribable and something I had never experienced.

In Scripture, it talks about Jesus crying out "my God my God why have you abandoned me", that cry pierced my heart in a new way, because that's how I too felt. My prayer during that time wasn't anything fancy.

My prayer was to simply breathe. In. Out. In. Out.  Just one more breath. 

 

Sometimes, simply choosing to be present, to stop fighting it, to embrace it by being, is the best thing we can do. The best, most real prayer we can pray. And the hardest. Sometimes, the most important lessons are the ones we learn when we didn't know we needed to, or wanted to. Sometimes, the most beautiful things happen out of the darkest, coldest moments. Sometimes in our deepest pain, if we hold on to Jesus and let go of our expectations, our preconceived notions, our safety nets, we end up finding more joy, more freedom, more love than we could have guessed. But that means being willing to be open, real, raw, human. It means letting ourselves be seen and loved in that incredibly vulnerable place and it's scary. But it's worth it. 

 

I can't say I ever want to go through something like that again. But I can say that I'm grateful for where I was cause it got me to where I am today. It taught me to both fight and to surrender...It taught me that:

 

I'm stronger than I was, but also more aware and willing to admit my incredible weaknesses and need for God and others. 

I laugh more than I did, but I also cry more. Because I feel more. I feel more, because I was quiet and still enough to let Jesus go to work on me without me getting in the way.

I'm more confident, and yet more aware than ever before how fragile I really am. Confident, because I know in my weakest and most vulnerable, that HE is carrying me.

I'm more grateful for the people in my life and the way each person has been a gift to me. Even those who have been difficult at times, because I too have been difficult, and yet, people have chosen to love me anyway.

I'm striving more for excellence and less for perfection. Because the reality is, in my eyes I will always come up short, but in a seeking of excellence that's ok, because there will always be more growth and more healing and more becoming the best version of myself until the day I die. 

I'm more patient with myself and others. With my faults and failings and others faults and failings. Because we are human. We make mistakes. We fall down, we get back up. And that's ok. That's what grace is for.

I'm more merciful; with myself and others. Because we are all broken, yet beautiful.

I'm more driven and have more of a passion to help others, because I know what it's like to be in a dark dark place, to feel stuck, to need a hand to hold, to need others to see the potential in me when I struggled to see it in myself. 

I'm more vulnerable. Because it really is in our vulnerability and openness that great things can happen. That great healing can take place. That Great love can grow. 

I'm more ok with trusting life--and by trusting Life, I mean trusting that truly, God is bigger than it all and that whatever happens, no matter how bad, how hard, how dark. That He truly is working behind the scenes to bring something awesome, amazing and more beautiful out of it all, if we let Him. 

I don't know what future holds. But I know WHO holds the future. And that's enough...

Have a beautiful day~

Dear Diary...

Sometimes we all need a good laugh about working out, someone sent me this and I was laughing so hard. Thought I would share! enjoy!

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old Personal Trainer and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
____________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me.
He is something of a Greek god– with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!  Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!
It’s a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Christo was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late– it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine– which I sank.
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that demon Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little personal trainer. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the stupid barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.
Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun– like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!