A few days later her dad came with her mom and her to the next lesson. I was amazed at how much braver she was with him sitting on the side watching and occasionally calling out encouraging words, along with a smile here, a thumbs up there--sure some coaxing still had to be done to get her little fingers and sharp nails (that were usually embedded into my skin at the end of each lesson) to let go and be more free to begin to take a few strokes in the water, but again, it was another step closer to her jumping in by herself.
The next day she came to her lesson considerably more relaxed and willing to try things in the water that are important steps to becoming a confident swimmer. Like putting her fact under for longer than a half second, floating on her back without holding on to me--trusting that I would catch her if she started to sink.
"Anne! You're doing so good today! So much more relaxed! good job!!" She looked at me and smiled and said in a matter of fact voice, "Well Miss Maria, my daddy talked with me for 25 minutes last night and it helped me today!" me: Oh? and what did he say?" (I was so eager to hear what words of wisdom this father had spoken to his daughter to cause such a drastic change in her trust level with me and willingness to get out of her comfort zone to learn how to swim) "He said for me to trust you! And then we cuddled for 10 minutes!"
Mmm...something so simple and yet such drastic changes.
When I got hurt last year with my knee, it was a time of such extreme pain--mainly because it was the thick icing on an already huge cake. It's taken me a year later to realize that at some point in the midst of the pain and insanity, I had stopped trusting the goodness of the Father on some deep levels that I hadn't been aware of. I had stopped fully trusting that He would provide and take care of me. I had stopped taking the time to truly rest in His heart and His embrace and trust that all would be ok and that He was taking care of the details of my life in an awesome amazing way--not IN SPITE of the cross, but BECAUSE and in the midst OF the cross.
Thanks to a God sent conversation with a very wise person in my life, I was able to see that in so many ways, I was that little girl learning to swim and God was me--the teacher. I was working so hard to help this little girl learn to swim and in the process of helping her learn to swim I was having to put her in situations that were really hard, stretching and scary. But that process was so necessary because it is through learning to do those things now could one day could save her life. If she doesn't learn how to jump, even when it's scary, if she doesn't learn how to swim, how to handle when the water goes up her nose, in her mouth or in her eyes, if she doesn't learn how to navigate these various situations and how to be calm throughout them, to be confident in them, to even grow to love the challenges of them and conquering them and to trust---trust that as her swim instructor, I'm not going to allow her to go too far under the water, to drown or to be left alone...
If she doesn't learn this stuff now, as hard, painful and scary as it is, in the long run, it would be to her detriment. I, as her instructor know this. But she doesn't...yet...however, she's learning. She's growing. She's getting stronger. More relaxed. She's getting more confident, more calm, more peaceful, more ready for the next challenge and even a little excited about the next one because she knows I'm in this with her and that I'm only going to push her as far as is best for her and what she can handle; even though sometimes she doesn't think or feel like she can handle that much. But I've been doing this for so long, I've taught hundred of kids at this point and I know and she'll be just fine and one day it might be her saving grace.
That's the Father with me...I would look back at various points and be like Lord! What the heck?! Where were you in such extreme darkness?! Why did you let this and this and this happen?! You let me drown...
But then, in an extreme moment of raw honesty, I had to stop and pause and look Him in the face. Did He really let me drown?
No. He stayed with me.
He let the water get in my eyes and it burned, it got in my nose and mouth and I even choked a little--but in the long run, that would save me cause He was letting me learn how to navigate in the rocky waters, how to be more peaceful, trusting and calm in the midst of the insanity. He didn't want any of the bad, painful stuff to happen, but He wanted me to know that I could trust Him. That He was going through it all WITH me. His hands were still there ready to catch me when I jumped, making sure that I wasn't going to drown. He allowed it because in the long run, that might save my life in some way. He's taught way more kids life lessons and saved them, than I have taught swim lessons and life guarded and saved them. He's been saying to me, "You can trust me, my Lovely Ria"....like Anne's daddy said to her that she could trust me. And she did. And that was a turning point.
When I was asking Anne to jump, I really was asking her in deep way, "Do you Trust me?!" Sometimes, the Father asks us that too..."Will you jump? Do you trust Me?"
Yesterday, without any coaxing, Anne did. She jumped.
And today, without any coaxing I did too. I jumped.
And guess what? The water feels great.
